Day 98: January 25

I'm sick of it. Sick of the constant pain, the medicine and the doctors visits.
I'm sick of it stopping me from doing sport. I can't shop for longer than 20 minutes without pain.
I hate it when the doctors say "it'll all be fine". Bitch no.
When people feel sorry for me. Don't give me that pitying look. I manage.
I'm sick of the constant "are you okays?" How am I meant to answer that anyway? "oh, I'm totally fine, except for the painful searing". Yep, I thought so.
I'm sick of the doctors saying stuff that isn't. Aren't they meant to be the 'experts?'
I hate using up my parents money - money that is so much more useful someone where. They say "it can't be helped". But it can. If it can just be fixed.
Is it penance for something. How long? Isn't three years long enough?
"Do you want to go walking?" But I can't, not for long anyway.
No slip-slops for you. Not supportive enough. Runners for the rest of your life.
"Also, don't complain, some people have it much worse than you".
Okay fine. When you compare someone who has cancer, or AIDS, to me, then yes of course, they've got the worse one.
But just don't compare us. Don't say "look at that person, she can't walk".
I can see that she can't walk.
But if you go around comparing one sickness/disease/injury to another, something is always worse than what you have.
And as much as I hate to say this, it brings me down. It upsets me. I hate that I can't participate, can't do anything without pain.
My friends are the greatest. They help (sometimes), and one wanted to talk, but I said "I'd just cry". I did.
It's hard on them too.
And my family. I'm grumpy about it, which I just reflect at them.
They're in the firing line.
I hurt them with words, blame them.
It's not their fault. But it's not mine either.
It just happened.
So much money is spent on me, and as much as it can be justified, I have to justify it to myself. My parents don't say anything, but I know that I cost a lot.
I feel as if I'm the most expensive daughter - injury, glasses, lenses, face stuff etc.
I have good days and bad days, just like everyone. Mine are gauged in a slightly different manner.
Everyone has different opinions on it.
Do this
Do that
Go to this doctor
Actually, this one is better
Crutches
No crutches
All I want to do is yell at them. Aren't they meant to know? They are educated in this area and do you know how scary it is when they don't really know whats going on?
You probably don't.
But let me just say, it's a hell of a scary situation to be in.
You trust them and then they're like "no, sorry, we don't understand". Well, bitch, of you don't understand, then how am I, not-a-doctor-Lauren, meant to know what's happening?
Mmh, exactly.
So when someone asks "how I'm feeling" or "how my ankle is", I will link them to this page.

Ninety-eight F.R.I.E.N.D.S characters:
1. Rachel Green
2. Phoebe Buffay
3. Chandler Bing
4. Ross Geller
5. Monia Geller
6. Joey Triibiani
7. Ursula Buffay
8. Jack Geller
9. Judy Geller
10. Janice (oh. my. god)
11. Barry Farber
12. Carol Willick
13. Susan Bunch
14. Gunther
15. Marcel (monkey)
16. Mr Heckles
17. Paolo
18. Terry
19. David
20. "Fun" Bobby
21. Nora Tyler Bing
22. Mindy Hunter (Farber)
23. Ben Geller
24. Julie
25. Steve
26. Ugly Naked Guy
27. Mr Treeger
28. Estelle
29. Dr. Richard Burke
30. Sandra Green
31. Frances
32. Frank Buffay Jr.
33. Leonard Green
34. Mark Robinson
35. Sophie
36. Joanna
37. Doug
39 Bonnie
40. Phoebe Abbott
41. Chick (Animal)
42. Duck (Animal)
43. Stu
44. Emily
45. Stephen Waltham
46.Andrea Waltham
47. Mr. Zelner
48. Kenny the Copy Guy
49. Kim
50. Janine LaCroix (Elle MacPherson)
51.The Judge
52. Jill Green
53. Amy Green
54. Elizabeth Stevens
55. Paul Stevens
56. Tag Jones
57. Helena Handbasket/Charles Bing
58. Emma (Geller-Green)
59. Mike Hannigan
60. Precious
61. Theodore Hannigan
62. Bitsy Hannigan
63. Charlie Wheeler
64. Kristen Lang
65. Erica (adult)
66. Erica (baby)
67. Jack
68. Missy Goldberg
69. Benjamin Hobart
70. Amanda Buffamonteezi
71. Roy
72. Mackenzie
73. Joseph Tribbiani Sr
74. Gloria Tribbiani
75. Jill Goodacre Connick
76. Jeffery Rosen
77. Dr. Michael Mitchell
78. Alan
79. Lydia
80. Erika Ford
81. Ryan
82. Duncan
83. Chloe
84. Pete Becker
85. Kate Miller
86. Lauren (!!)
87. Tommy (The Screamer)
88. Kathy
89. Cheryl
90. Chip Matthews
91. Dr. Tim Burke
92. Dr. Donald Ledbetter
93. Frank Buffay, Sr.
94. Gary
95. Cassie Geller
96. Melissa Warburton
97. Dina Tribbiani
98. Parker